As i slowly approach what would have been my due date, it still feels like I've been through an entire pregnancy. Turns out, I've been pregnant the entire time, only just with grief. It's almost as if I thought the pain would go away, but instead it grew with me every month that passed during the time I was supposed to be pregnant. What would have been a life is just the shadow of sadness over mine.
Within the span of 48 hours I discovered I was likely to experience a miscarriage and made it to the other side. I became a statistic. I became the 1 in 4 women who experiences pregnancy loss. It was strange to experience this loss because I pride myself in healthy living, and come from a long and fertile line of women. This miscarriage has been an emotional whirlwind, the following months were a complete blur and only now do I feel some clarity regarding the situation.
In an effort to better equip other women who may either experience a miscarriage or know someone who does, I decided to document what it was like to miscarry, because it was surprisingly traumatic and painful. I even took a few pics, because it was all so overwhelming, and mostly because I had never seen anything like it.
Ever since I turned 30 I've started to notice a few signs of aging: mostly the wrinkles around my eyes when I laugh (which is a lot). In a perfect world I'd never show signs of aging, or I'd whisk away the possibility with a quick dose of botox. But in an effort to live healthier and happier, I've really worked to switch out my beauty products for more organic options, unfortunately Botox doesn't fall into that category. As a young mother, I want my beauty to routine to be simple, effortless and effective all at once, that's not too much to ask, is it?! I've been researching and trying all sorts of products this past year, but here are the 5 I keep coming back to:
Whenever I used to hear about menstrual cups I'd shudder....they just seemed so dirty, strange, and foreign. But after some thought and hearing about another one of my friend's using one, I realized maybe foreign is exactly what they were to me, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing, perhaps they were better than what I was used to using, so I decided to give them a shot.
It didn't hurt that I was sick of spending money on pads and tampons month after month, especially since I had grown more suspicious about the ingredients used in feminine products and had switched to organic products in an effort to be more health conscious. Besides, I'm particularly bad about buying myself feminine products, partially due them being so unnecessarily expensive but also because whenever it's not my "time of the month" I try not to think about it and enjoy my time, which generally leads to forgetting to purchase said products until I'm in a panic the first day my period shows up. I don't know why I'm not better prepared for it, I act as if I have no clue as to when it's coming (I do, I use the Clue Period Tracker App and it rules). But for some reason, I never have my act together for something you really do need to be prepared for. I'm just responsible like that.
My days have been filled with angst and worry. What began as a joyous journey towards a new baby has left me with a racing mind and a bloated, aching stomach. It all began last week when I began spotting. It was my first week back at work--teaching--and I assumed that it was a normal part of pregnancy. Even though I hadn't experienced spotting with my first pregnancy, I readily believed that since I had already had a healthy pregnancy I would naturally have another.
Healthy living, simplified.